This is how it went down when I introduce my girlfriend to my family: Me: Hi everyone, this is my new gf. Gf: Hello 🙂 Wife: What the fuck?!?!?!
Here are the top nine comments made during the Olympics that they would like to take back…. Weightlifting commentator: “This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.” Dressage commentator: “This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I […]
Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Those dirty bastards.
My girlfriend asked me if I had ever pissed in the Shower. I said, “Yeah, a couple of times, accidentally.” She said, “That’s disgusting! What do you mean accidentally?!” “Hey,” I said, “these things happen when you’re taking a shit.”
This guy walks up to his wife one day and grabs her breast, he says ” if these were firmer, you could get rid of your bra.” the wife doesn’t say anything, she just rolls her eyes. The next day, the husband comes up to his wife and grabs her butt, and says, “If this […]
A bloke walks into a bar in New Zealand and orders a shandy. All the Kiwis sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see another Australian visitor. The barman says, “You aren’t from around here, are ya?” The guy says, “No, I’m from Canada.” The bartender says, “What do you do in Canada?” The […]
One day, a wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. Naturally, she was very upset. “You are a disrespectful pig!” she cried. “How dare you do this to me! I’m a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want […]
Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, “Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?”